I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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