aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
