Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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