party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
