Dual....:-)
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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