my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's blow job season.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
