Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
