I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So here I am, sexting at work.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize