I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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