This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
