Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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