I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
