thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
