If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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