Just took my morning after pill in the library
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
