I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
