I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This is my gift to your gina
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My feet surprised me
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