I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
