Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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