last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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