I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
