Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
