The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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