My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
