Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
