I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
