I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize