On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
We need to rekindle our bromance
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
