He asked me if I "almost moaned"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
