Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
