Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
