Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
