Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
being pregnant is like rehab
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
