i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
