hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
