I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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