i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
