Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
