get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
