sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
