I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
