i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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