i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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