HIV tests are more positive than that guy
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
