Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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