Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Two words: nipple clamps
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