i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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