im about as happy as oj after his trial
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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