Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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