I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
