where am i from again
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
