We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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