I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
