you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
