Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
