I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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