I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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