3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
