Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
