so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
