she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize