when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
