Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
