i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
