New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
