my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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