My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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