He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
