I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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