is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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