He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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