Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
This is classic penis vs brain.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
