Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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