Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
